I’m done with him. I don’t care about him anymore. He was never mine to start with.
I tell myself these things over and over.
I hate him.
Then why do I feel so damn jealous?
I cannot sleep. My mind is wandering endlessly forever, thinking about you.
You and your stupid face. And that chiseled jaw and those sweet blue eyes.
I should have known that you could never be mine. I should have seen it.
I hate you.
I love you.
Now I can only wish for sleep because goddammit you’ve ruined my life, at least leave my sleep in peace.
Have you ever been so overwhelmed that all you want to do is cry? That if someone said one little word or just gave you a bad look, you would have cried? Because all the weight of the world has been unfairly put onto your shoulders?
I don’t deserve this.
I don’t want this.
And yet I have it.
I hate this feeling of helplessness, like someone else controls you. Someone else has that power to make you bend over. Someone else has that power to make you feel wanted and loved or depressed and moody. I want to be in control of myself because frankly it feels as if I have no control over anything else.